Muse #11: It’s a White World

“There is just one moon and one golden sun, and a smile means friendship to everyone.”

-it’s a small world

Hi there!
After a long hiatus due to health issues, I am back to writing about The Most Magical Place on Earth! I hope you enjoy the following satire. Keep on dreaming!

Dear Josh D’Amaro,

Here at Black Lives Matter, we humbly thank you for demolishing Splash Mountain (henceforth referred to as The-Ride-That-Must-Not-Be-Named) and for thus acknowledging the superiority of the black community. Although the great actress Hattie McDaniel once said that she would not have appeared in Song of the South if it demonstrated racism, you have proven that she was simply blinded by the patriarchy’s White Lie. (Also, why are some lies white and others aren’t? ALL lies are white.)

We would like to inform you that Tiana’s Bayou Adventure (yasss we stan the Black Queen!!) was only the first step in your diversity and inclusion initiative. See, The-Ride-That-Must-Not-Be-Named was not the only evidence of racism in your parks. There is another attraction that has hidden its evil white agenda behind the veil of “diversity.” We are here to awaken you and tear the veil—and we’ll do it better than the ultimate manifestation of the White Delusion, Jesus Christ (henceforth referred to as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named).

The attraction in question: it’s a small world.

“But wait!” you might say. “Walt intended that attraction to celebrate the beauty in every race’s culture, to teach children to love your neighbor and to work together for the good of all humanity.” How pathetic. Only those who have worked in the white patriarchy for as long as you have would believe that reinterpretation of the ultimate White Delusion. We submit the following points for your consideration.

1. This attraction was created by White Men. Even the lead attraction designer, Mary Blair, was a White Man, because she pushed forward the White Delusion to unheard-of levels. Did you know that the theme song is the most-played song in the world? And it celebrates the White Lie?? Our children deserve far, FAR, FAR better!
2. The attraction’s exterior was sparkling white and gold for soooo long, thus demonstrating the overbearing wealth of White Men. We were basically forced to bow down to an idol before the ride even started! Of course, you have resigned the exterior to include several other colors, and we thank you for that, but for you to leave the exterior like that for so long was one of the idiotic things you’ve ever done.
3. When you get on the boat, you’re forced to look up and wave hello to the people eating at Pinocchio Village Haus. Say WHAT now? Acknowledging a story created by a White Man? Heck, no.
4. YOU START THE RIDE IN FREAKIN’ EUROPE! Oh, how DIVERSE! But what’s worse…
5. THE FINALE DRESSES EVERY DOLL IN W***E ROBES! WHITE! ROBES! WHAT, IS EVERY CULTURE SUPPOSED TO BOW DOWN TO WHITE COLONIALISM??? “It’s to celebrate the equal beauty of everyone’s skin color,” you say. SHUT IT, BLOCKHEAD!

Therefore, we command you to DESTROY it’s a small world IMMEDIATELY. As for replacements, we’re not sure, but it’s fine if you leave it as an ash heap like the ride already is. However, we do approve the idea of creating a ride that celebrates the two lesbian black women in Lightyear, the greatest film you have yet created.

With that said, if you do not start demolition immediately upon receipt of this message, we will set fire to Walt Disney World. In fact, “Walt Disney World” is the most racist title for a theme park we’ve heard of in our lives!!

BETTER CALL IT BLACK WORLD.

Cordially,
BLM